Conflict Resolution: Foundations of non-violent communications

Posted: February 1, 2011 in Conflict Resolution
Tags: , ,

Article/Source

http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations

Notes

  • a consciousness of interdependence and the concept of “power with” instead of “power over” others.
  • When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, needed, and wanted, rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.
  • Both sides of the NVC model: empathetically listening and honestly expressing, use the four steps of the model: observations, feelings, needs, requests.
  • NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. We are led to express ourselves with honesty and clarity, while simultaneously paying others a respectful and empathic attention. In any exchange, we come to hear our own deeper needs and those of others.
  • Through its emphasis on deep listening—to ourselves as well as others—NVC fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy, and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart.
  • Four components of NVC:
    1. observation
    2. feeling
    3. needs
    4. request
  • It guides us to reframe the way we express ourselves and listen to others by focusing our consciousness on four areas: what we are observing, feeling, and needing and what we are requesting to enrich our lives.
  • Its purpose is to
    • create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving
    • create governmental and corporate structures that support compassionate giving and receiving.
  • The process of NVC encourages us to focus on what we and others are observing separate from our interpretations and judgments.
  • NVC skills include:
  1. Differentiating observation from evaluation, being able to carefully observe what is happening free of evaluation, and to specify behaviors and conditions that are affecting us;
  2. Differentiating feeling from thinking, being able to identify and express internal feeling states in a way that does not imply judgment, criticism, or blame/punishment;
  3. Connecting with the universal human needs/values (e.g. sustenance, trust, understanding) in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling; and
  4. Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving).


Comments

  • Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want (rather than what we don’t want), and that is truly a request and not a demand (i.e. attempting to motivate, however subtly, out of fear, guilt, shame, obligation, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassionate giving)

At first, I thought this statement was ambiguous or contradictory – trying to motivate out of fear, guilt, shame, etc. rather than out of willingness and compassion. But focusing on what we want rather than on what we do NOT want – feelings, emotions, needs, wants rater than thinking and analyzing ?


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